So you want to go to rave.  Here’s what you do:

 

First, you go to a record store and get a rave flyer.  This will tell you what dj’s are spinning, where you can pick up your ticket, how much pre-sale tickets are, how much tickets are the night of the event – everything you might want to know before you blow forty bucks on a stupid party.

 

Big commercial parties average twenty to thirty bucks a ticket and have two to five rooms of dj’s.  Smaller underground parties average two rooms and go for five to fifteen, sometimes twenty.  Most raves start at nine or ten p.m. and go to six or seven in the morning.  While most of the bigger parties tell you where the party is going to be in advance, underground parties don’t tell you until the night of the event.  In order to find out where it is, you have to go to a map point.  Map points can be anywhere from two minutes to two hours away from the actual location.  A map point might be a record store, a coffee shop, an alley – sometimes it’s just a door.  One time I went to this map point in Downtown and there was this guy in a black Raiders jacket standing outside this prehistoric apartment complex.  He told me to stick my money in the mail slot and out came my ticket.

 

It’s nearing one o’clock when we arrive.  The rave is in this gigantic warehouse in Indio.  We stare down the line at kids in fluorescent pants, snow cone colors and tiger stripes, talking about the two, three hour drive in zip-up vests, beanies and visors.  Dealers prowl the parking lot, passing out pills behind parked vans and SUV’s.  Some kid asks me if I know where he can get any Green Triangles and I tell him I just got here.

 

Drugs.  Ecstasy.  Twenty bucks a hit.  Each type of X gets its name from the picture on the pill.  Like if it’s a Superman, it’ll have a little red S.  If it’s a Green Triangle, it’ll have a green triangle.  Let’s say you take a Mitsubishi one month and it’s fifty percent MDMA and fifty percent baking soda.  You might take a Mitsubishi the next month and this time it’ll be forty percent MDMA and sixty percent tweek.  So if the name of the pill doesn’t tell you what you’re taking and the symbol on the pill doesn’t tell you what you’re taking, who’s to know what you’re taking until you actually take it?  You don’t.

 

If you’ve raved long enough, it gets to the point where you become completely oblivious towards drugs.  After all, everybody’s mom has a medicine cabinet.  The world is full of hypocrites and the only way to avoid being one of them is to mind your own business.  You just have to let people do their own thing and hope that nobody gets hurt.  Because at a rave, you’re on your own.  At a rave, you’re free to do whatever you want.  The only problem is that most kids aren’t used to freedom.  And so they abuse it any way they can.

 

There has always been an argument over whether raves are about music or drugs, drugs or music.  I say neither.  Raves are about escape.  Going to a place where nobody knows who you are, what you do, where you came from – a place where you don’t have any promises to keep, no image to uphold.  A place where you can be a child.  The reason why kids stop going isn’t because the music becomes stale or because the drugs aren’t working.  They stop when they can’t use raves as a means of escaping reality anymore.  For me, it’s the only escape I have other than drinking.  The only difference is that after I go to a rave, I don’t wake up kissing the toilet. 

 

John takes us to the front of the line and signals a girl carrying this clipboard.  She’s flanked by two security guards in black t shirts.  Next thing you know, we’re inside. 

 

John lights up a cancer stick.  The temperature rises ninety-six degrees.  Kids in baggy pants and fluorescent jewelry, t shirts and tank tops, Adidas jackets, purple sunglasses, red and yellow baseball caps and furry Kangol hats, dancing, swaying, totally oblivious.  Ravers rolling, tripping, laughing, making out in corners, in smoke, lying on top of cigarette butts and empty water bottles.  Kids sucking on pacifiers throwing their bodies against the speakers, pounding their fists to each climactic thud while glitter babies draw abstract patterns with glow sticks in their hands.  I see a pregnant woman in her early twenties, wearing a long black skirt with her big, round belly exposed dancing with all her soul.  Kid in the corner with long black dreds beats into a conga drum.  Another kid on top of a speaker blows bubbles out of a yellow plastic wand. 

 

John slips behind the decks to slap the dj on the back.  He gives John a hug and asks for a cigarette.  John hands him the one he’s smoking after taking a final drag.  Then the dj says thanks and tells John he’ll talk to him later after his set.

 

There’s a circle on the floor around the breakers, turning on their heads and doing handstands, windmills in camouflage cargos and Wu Tang shirts, shell toes with fat laces, popping, locking, doing back flips.  John and I strut to the middle of the circle, doing the Crip walk.  Then we bust the Kid N Play.  Just to be stupid.  People are clapping and laughing and then the circle disappears and every one is dancing shoulder to shoulder.  We dance for an hour, strobes and laser lights flashing, sweat dripping off my nose, panting breaths behind me making the little tiny hairs on my neck tingle.  An older Mexican couple is doing the flamenco.  One kid lifts his girlfriend up on his shoulders and she tells us to dance, go crazy.  It’s okay..

 

Why aren’t you smiling?

 

Beside me is a girl in a white dress sucking on a red Blow Pop.  She’s wearing a white Mary Tyler Moore wig and silver trainers, rocking back and forth on her heels, sucking her candy.  She’s got blue eyes, glitter on her face and angel wings on her back.  She smiles and pinches my arm.

 

Why aren’t you smiling?

 

I am smiling.  On the inside.

 

Are you on anything?

 

No.

 

That’s why you’re not smiling.  Do you want anything?

 

No, I’m fine.  I’ve got to work tomorrow.

 

What’s your name?

 

Justin.

 

My friends think you’re cute.

 

… Thanks … I like your wings.

 

Aren’t they cool?

 

Yah.  What’s your name?

 

Amanda.

 

I offer my hand.  She gives me a big hug and a tickle instead.

 

Justin.  That’s cute!

 

Thanks.

 

Why aren’t you dancing?

 

I was for a little bit.  I’m just tired.

 

What?

 

The music’s too loud.

 

Tired!  I’m tired!

 

Do you want anything?

 

Where did John go?  I thought I saw him two minutes ago.

 

No. Thanks.

 

Do you wanna dance?

 

In a little bit.

 

Do you wanna make out?

 

Okay.

 

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